Saturday, November 14, 2015

Confessions of a Former Mean Girl

This past weekend Eliana and I had the opportunity to attend Secret Keeper Girl Show.  If you have a tween daughter I highly recommend attending one.  One of the subjects they talked about was frenemies and mean girls.  Oh - how I hate this subject!  I hate girl drama - I always have.  I grew up with brothers and have never really understood female relationships.  Junior and Senior High were not always fun times for me.  I so desperately wanted to fit in I became whoever the people around me wanted me to be.  This often meant I was not always a nice person.  "Mean girls" was not a term while I was young - but I can now relate to that title, and it is not something I am proud of.  I now know my lack of self esteem and insecurity are what made me say and do what I did. 

So to those of you that knew me back then.  I'm sorry!  I'm sorry if I ever said or did anything to hurt you.  I am sure there are things I did that I don't even remember!   I promise that 12 year old girl didn't mean it she just wanted to fit in.  

I wish some one would have told me this years ago!

As I now navigate this terrifying time with Eliana I am just as unsure of how to act.  Every time I drop her off I say things like, "today you're going to be kind", "you're not going to make fun of people even if everyone else is,"  "treat others the way you want them to treat you".  I then leave her and pray.  I pray that she is a better person than I was at that age.  That she is a good friend.  That she won't have the scars that I have. 

Then God reminds me it's her life not mine.  No matter what I say or how I expected her to act she is still her own person.  That her behavior is not a reflection of me.  That I have to let go and let her become who He wants her to be.  That my past failures and hurts were terrible and I do not want to re-live junior high.  But without those experiences I wouldn't be who I am today. 

So instead of fear I will pray for wisdom in this season of parenting.  That I help her navigate her feelings and friendship with poise and grace.   That God's love will shine through both of us as we are on this journey together!

Proverbs 31:26  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 

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1 Corinthians 10:31